Vesta Shredding Day, HHS Parking Lot, 4/21, 9-Noon
TRASH COLLECTION DELAYED ONE DAY ALL WEEK - PATRIOTS DAY

The Best Stuff

by Paul Saulnier
April 20, 2017

This company is concerned about my health and welfare in this era of bad air, bad water and bad backs. They have the best of everything. The best three pound device that will remove the germs and mildew from the air I breath for only $300.00. Its a great polishing treatment after my military grade air purifier does its thing for $575.00, while I'm treating myself with the best back and neck heat wrap that also will give me a massage for $90.00. If I have a problem with gas then the rechargeable personal air purifier ($150.00) is for me. I can wear it around my neck on the adjustable lanyard provided. And it’s silent (unlike my gas problem).

My patio is going to be the envy of the neighborhood when I put out my new lounge chairs designed by a famous Danish furniture master at $329.00 apiece and Brazilian Eucalyptus Rockers (only $250.00 each). So the bugs won’t interfere with my leisure time, I’ll need to plug in my $300.00 Mosquito Population Decimator. For extra protection everyone can wear their own personal mosquito repeller ($25.00 each). Knowing that I would be embarrassed if guests saw weeds in my lawn, this catalog knows that I’ll want to kill them with their $250.00 environmentally smart weed killing steamer.

After my leisure time is up and I’m ready for a workout, I’ll take off my superior softness silk lounge pants ($150.00) and take my foldaway stepper bike ($890.00) for a ride on the rail trail for everyone to see. Then I’ll fold it up and put it in the closet next to my compact core exerciser ($250.00) and foldaway rowing machine ($150.00) and never use it again. After a hot shower it’s on with my genuine Turkish bathrobe ($130.00). Apparently the Turks are noted for making the best bathrobes. Speaking of leisure time, the next time I’m out on the Vineyard for the weekend, I’ll look smart pulling my Sandless Foldable Beach Wagon (patent pending). It cost $150.00 but, according to the ad, it’s made of military grade fabric designed to keep out sand and dust when my helicopter lands and takes off.

Now my cat (I better get one) doesn’t have to go off to some remote part of the house when duty calls. This litter box would pass as a piece of furniture in the best homes, stores new and used litter and only costs $250.00. Some assembly required but how much could it cost to have a handyman put it together for me? I’ll pass on the Hidden Storage Side Table. It doesn’t work very well as there is a picture of it, as plain as day, in the catalog!

I'm looking for great gifts for my friends who have everything (which of course describes all my friends). How about the Authentic Himalayan Singing Bowl for $200.00 (Himalayan songbook not included). Then there’s the Superior Projection Clock, four inches tall, that displays the time and temperature on the ceiling so I don’t have to turn my head. Probably shouldn’t give someone the best LED Facial Rejuvenator ($350.00). It might send the wrong impression. How about a pair of golf ball locating sunglasses? Better not - yet another wrong impression. Here’s one: the tabletop fireplace. At 14” wide it fits on any table, runs on clean burning liquid fuel and generates 8,500 BTUs per hour. I'll add to the gift note my recommendation that the family have an up to date evacuation plan.

Next year I'll throw away all this stuff that I paid over $4,000.00 for to make room for next year's best stuff that I can't live without.

 

E-mail This Article

Comments (1)

Funny stuff.

- Kevin Parnell | 4/21/17 9:56 AM

Advertisement

Advertisement

Recent Articles by Paul Saulnier:

Police Log for Week of April 8 - 14, 2018

Twenty-first Century Tom Sawyer & Huck Finn in town

2

Continue ...

Police Log for Week of April 1 - 7, 2018

911: What is your emergency? caller: My phone isn't working and I'm worried that I might have an emergency.

1

Continue ...

Barbara Chamberlain Celebrates Her First 100 Years on the Planet

Residents over the age of 100 become eligible for the Boston Post Cane.

Continue ...

Hometown Auto Donates to Holliston in Bloom

Mike Ibrahim of Hometown Auto loves Holliston and Holliston in Bloom

3

Continue ...

Police Log for Week of March 25 - 31 2018

Tough week for four-footed residents of Holliston and high crime on Marshall.

2

Continue ...

Advertisement

Recent Articles in Comments:

Police Log for Week of April 8 - 14, 2018

by Paul Saulnier

Twenty-first Century Tom Sawyer & Huck Finn in town

2

Continue ...

Give Back to Giver’s Volunteer of the Month for April

by Aidan Krantz

Give Back to Givers is a 501(c)(3) certified non profit based in Holliston who’s goal is to promote the spirit of volunteerism. Each month, we honor a different Holliston resident who has gone above and beyond when volunteering in Holliston. Our April Volunteer of the Month is Terri Chamberlain.

Continue ...

Framingham Union Aid Association to Hold Fashion Show and Tea Party

by Melissa Ford

Continue ...

Police Log for Week of April 1 - 7, 2018

by Paul Saulnier

911: What is your emergency? caller: My phone isn't working and I'm worried that I might have an emergency.

1

Continue ...

Help Our Veterans

by Phil Napolitano

2

Continue ...

Advertisement